Why Do You Doubt?

The following article was originally written for The Inkwell, a blog sponsored by ACFW Colorado.

Our church has been going through a video series during our Sunday School class called, Faith Lessons--In the Dust of the Rabbi. In it evangelical historian Ray Vander Laan takes a group of people through the holy land and teaches history and practical application. It's a great series.

Recently, we watched the group climb a hill overlooking the Sea of Galilee. Ray tells the crowd that Jesus went here after the feeding of the five thousand. He had just told the disciples to get into a boat and go ahead of him to Bethsaida, which was across the lake. Ray asserts that they probably didn't want to go because of the squalls that took place in this part of the lake, dubbed "The Abyss." (This isn't in my Bible, but Ray, as a historian has other geographical resources.)

As they fatefully predicted, a huge squall came up and they strained against the oars. Ray tells the group that Jesus was no doubt sitting on the mountain and watching them the whole way. About the fourth hour, (probably around four o'clock in the morning,) Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. He nearly passes them by because he was intent on getting to Bethsaida, as he said he would. But did Jesus not see them out there struggling? Or was this a faith lesson for the disciples who didn't understand the miracle of the five loaves and two fish? (Mark 6:52)

They see him walking by on the water and fear it's a ghost. I mean, seriously. Who else would be walking on the water? No doubt, if I'd been in that boat, miles from the shore, I wouldn't have thought my rabbi would be chancing by. He tells them "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Matthew 14:28 picks up the story. Peter calls out to him. "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." And Jesus says, "Come." Poor impetuous Peter. Wanting to be just like his Lord, he jumps out of the boat, but fearing the wind--promptly sinks. Jesus shakes his head and says, "Why do you doubt?" as he fishes him out and escorts him back to the boat.

This is where Ray posed a question that had us discussing at great length later. "What did he doubt?" Jesus? Why would that be? Jesus is still only toes deep in the water. The conclusion was that he doubted himself.

Okay. Let's look at the big picture here. Jesus gives the disciples a directive. "Go to Bethsaida and I will meet you there." They all hop in the boat, grumbling. They'd just seen the miracle of the loaves and fishes, and still didn't quite get it. (Our class decided this was a faith lesson for them.) Just as they feared, they hit a storm, and what do they do? Panic! In the meantime, Jesus is watching them from the hill. Once they're good and scared, he heads out onto the lake. Then, during one of their most dramatic lessons, they doubt.

You know where I'm going, don't you?

In 2002, I received a clear directive from God. "Write, and I will partner with you." At various intervals along the way, I have felt the squalls of life threaten to capsize my dream. Where is Jesus? I cry out.

He's on the hill watching me. Seeing how I will do. Probably shaking his head as I panic when the words don't come, and when they do they sound amatuerish. He says, "Oh, Kathy," when I want to quit because an editor has torn at my precious story, slashing and ripping at the carefully placed concepts like fierce winds to a sail. Finally, at the fourth hour, He gets up, and walks toward our previously agreed upon destination. I want to be like my Lord. I try, yet I fail, and He asks me "Why do you doubt?" He hasn't changed. I don't doubt Him. I know He will partner with me. I know His will for me is to produce written witnesses. I know He is still standing there, waiting for me to "get it."

Why do I doubt myself?

Sound familiar?

If you're in a storm, take heart. Jesus is watching to see how you'll do. To see if you've grown in your faith. Every trial is a strengthening exercise. And once you "get it," you will be able to walk with Him hand in hand. Safely. Without getting wet.

I have my toe in the water. Anyone joining me?

Thank You For Serving!

This is a previously published article and has been edited.

Whenever we're out, if we see a man or woman in uniform, my husband always shakes their hand and says, "Thank you for serving."

I'd like to remember those in our family who have kept our borders safe by sacrificing their own safety.


Major General Frank Carroll. My husband called him Uncle Frank. A significant player in Air Force history, he was instrumental in the creation of the Army Air Corp, signing the contract to buy the B-47. Frank was the last man to fly with Orville Wright. They were close friends, as evidenced by a photo in his house of him standing with the aviation inventor and a scrap of canvas from one of the first planes he and his brother Wilbur flew.

My husband's grandfather, Stanley Carroll. Served on board ship in the Navy during WWI.

My father-in-law, Senior Master Sgt. Paul Kovach. Served through retirement in WWII in the 8th Air Force. We think he may have served with Jimmy Stewart. After Dad died, we found a picture of Jimmy getting a medal and there was Dad in the ranks. He never told Mom. That's the kind of guy he was. Everyone was equal in his sight.

My father, Bill Keal, served in the army in WWII. Daddy's unit helped to liberate a French town. His name, along with the other soldiers, is forever memorialized on a plaque in the town square.

My mother, Ruth Keal, (shown second from the left--the child belongs to one of the other women) served in the Women's Army Corp (WAC) in WWII. My mom joined to see the world and ended up spending her entire tour of duty in Kansas, mere miles from where her home was. Mom and Dad got married in uniform.

Arthur Wiles, who I call Uncle Bud, served in the Navy in WWII. His brother, my Uncle Mickey, aka Mike Wiles served in the army and in his words, "I was a dirt soldier. I walked from the southern tip (of Korea) to the Yalu river and somehow picked up a silver star along the way."

My uncle, Jim Cartlidge, served in WWII in the 101st Airborn Division.

My husband's Uncle Bud, aka Warren Carroll, served in the Army Air Corp and the Army in WWII. He was a bomber crew member, (we think a gunner,) but found it boring. He then switched to the army and volunteered to be on the scout tank crew. These tanks would find German tankers and act as decoys by drawing them out of hiding where our planes and ground crew could destroy them. I'm thinking that cured his boredom! My favorite story was when actress Betty Grable visited the troops and stood in his tank for a photo op. He was inside and could only see her "Million Dollar" legs, but she was wearing pants. What a disappointment!

Uncle Bud's son, Mark Carroll, served in Vietnam in the Marine Corp.

My brother-in-law, Air Force Master Sgt. Herbert Curtis Pruett, served several tours to Thailand away from his family.

My brother-in-law, Robert Clark of 101st Airborn Division, served in Vietnam and was hit by a sniper. He had on his helmet, but the bullet slipped under and grazed his head. He came home with a Purple Heart.

Patricia Freese, my cousin, served in the Air Force in Greenland.

Our son, Sr. Airman Jonathon Kovach, joined the Air Force in 2001. He served overseas in Okinawa and Korea.

And finally, my husband, Master Sgt. James Kovach. Proudly served in the Air Force for twenty-three years. A humble guy, he put on his uniform and went to work every day. When he retired, he received a plaque that simply stated his philosophy: "Just doin' my job." He served in the post-Vietnam volunteer era through the Gulf War, working to keep our borders safe.

I'm proud of every service member in my family. They've fought, spilled blood, and sacrificed to be sure their children and children's children could live in a free country. They've fought to free the oppressed, eradicate evil, and actively demonstrate their love of this country.

I also salute the spouses of these military servicemembers. We all have made our own sacrifices, some staying behind to give our children stable homelives while their daddy was away. We were the ones who wrote the love letters and tried our hardest to provide safe environments for them to return to.

To all of these brave men and women, service members and spouses, I salute you.

THANK YOU FOR SERVING!

Side note: For more information on General Frank Carroll and his role in the acquisition and development of the jet airplane for the new Army Air Force, please click here, here, here, and here.

Just Not That Into You

I'm in a new relationship. We've been together three months now, but it isn't going well. I'm becoming convinced, even though it's hard to admit, that my manuscript is just not that into me.

Ever have the same feeling? You know the signs.

1. It's distracted when with you. You sit down to spend time with it, and the words jump all over the page refusing to coagulate into a coherent sentence. Nothing you do pulls it together.

2. It's not calling you. You go through your day and realize, "Hey, I haven't thought about my manuscript in, like, forever." It has not made an effort to call you to sit down and write.

3. It doesn't want to commit fully. You're moving along, thinking you're on the right track, when everything falls apart in the middle. The whole manuscript unravels, and you realize it's not doing its part to bring the storyline to completion.

4. It has disappeared on you. It's gone. And with it every unique idea, every bit of plot, every colorful character. You don't know where it went. All you know is that you must start over. And you realize, maybe it wasn't the storyline for you, anyway.

Every relationship takes work. This couldn't be truer than for you and your new manuscript. When you first meet that special storyline, pray to be sure it's the right one for you. Then, if you feel peace about moving forward, follow these steps to avoid the "Just Not That Into You" relationship:

1. Love is patient. Relax. Take your time to develop a solid plot.

2. Love is kind. Kindness is love in action. Do something special for your manuscript. Spend the time it desires, nurturing it, letting it know how important it is to you.

3. It does not brag and is not arrogant. Nothing will kill a relationship with a manuscript faster than an egotistical author. Manuscripts have a way of bringing down the boastful. Plot lines drop. Characters become flat. Settings? What settings?

4. It is not self-seeking. Know that you and your manuscript are on the same team. If you feel you're struggling with it, guess who has just become a world-class wrestler? Strive instead to dance with it, arm in arm, and listen to its heartbeat in the rythym of the words.

5. It is not easily angered. Throwing your manuscript against the wall is not allowed. Instead, attend to its needs. Patiently work on each problem, and soon it will thank you by flowing smoothly once again.

6. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Believe in your manuscript. If you prayed, as suggested above, know that it will stick with you until completion.

7. Love never fails. If you love your manuscript, it will love you back.

Why do I write?

I know it's been too long since I posted an organizational tip. I apologize, but I've been working the paying job. I was hit with three deadlines, two practically on top of each of other, so all my energy went into them.

Excuse #2. I was at the ACFW Colorado retreat over the weekend. I've posted an article on the ACFW CO blog, but I'll also paste it here so you can have something to read while waiting for me post on organization.

Why Do I Write?

At beautiful Camp Eden nestled among the pines near Wondervu, Colorado, the fog settled around us, and the fire crackled in the huge fireplace as nearly two dozen authors settled in to hear Kim Woodhouse and her challenging question: "Why do you write?"

She asked this of us several times, nudging us to go deeper. At one point, she asked, "Who are you in Christ?" The point being, how can I be God's instrument if I don't identify with His Word?

At least, that's the direction I took that question.

We were told to find a quiet place and journal. I did and decided to look at the "I Am's" of Christ to find out who "I am" in Christ.

I Am the Messiah (John 4:26) - I am saved
I Am the Bread of Life (John 6:35) - I am nourished
I Am from above (John 8:23) - I am blessed from heaven
I Am the Eternal One (John 8:58) - I am God’s forever
I Am the Light of the World (John 9:5) - I am a witness in the darkness
I Am the Door (John 10:7) The Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6) - I am led
I Am the Son of God ( (John 10:36) - I am loved with a sacrificial gift
I Am the Resurrection and the Life (John 11:25) - I am redeemed
I Am the Lord and Master (John 13:13) - I am one with authority over evil
I Am the True Vine (John 15:1) - I am a fruit bearer
I Am Alpha & Omega ( Revelation 1:8) - I am complete

I came to the conclusion that knowing my identity in Christ equips me to write His message.

So, to answer, “Why do I write?” - To glorify the I Am, Christ, Who makes it possible for me to be who I am in Him -- and to teach others to do the same.

Thank you, Kim, for your excellent teaching, your gentle spirit, and your glittery feathered two-edged sword. ;)

Organize Yourself as a Writer - Part 4

ALL-IN-ONE-PLOTTING Workbook

I promised we'd look at some simple forms, and we will, but first I'd like to explain my "Dear Diary" method.

Figure 1

Above is the page that I set up to link to Word files. I put the name of the character in a cell, then I link to a document where I've let my character talk about themselves. Some writers interview their characters. But I found that if I just let them ramble, they probably spill more info than if they were in a formal interview. If you're a fiction writer, I'm sure your nodding, understanding what I mean. If you're a non-fiction writer, you may be dialing the looney bin to come pick me up. If you're a reader/non-writer, then yes, writers are a very strange species.

Okay, now for some forms to help organize your story.

Scripture Thread

I write for Barbour Publishing's Hearsong Presents line. They require you to weave a scripture verse in your story. This verse is printed on the back of every book. Even if you aren't required to have a verse in mind, I challenge you to do it anyway. It will bring your story into an inspirational focus instead of letting it meander through several different lessons. You may already have a verse in mind, but never thought of writing it down. This sheet in my workbook keeps the verse handy for me to refer back to, and I can develop it through the subplot here, as well.

Figure 2

Character Chart
There are two different writers who use character charts. Those that fill them out before they write the story, and those that fill them out as they write the story. I'm in the latter category. I tried to fill out a chart once, and found that everything changed when I wrote the story. But, if you in a third category where you never write down anything about your character, you need to send your content editor a big box of chocolates. I need to be sure my character's eyes stay green, his scar stays on the correct cheek, he doesn't switch from VW bug to a Lamborgini in one scene. As I write, when I get to something I know I'll need to remember, I open the Character Chart sheet and fill it in. If something changes, as it so often does, it's very easy to delete and type in something different.

This is a two column set-up. In column A, I list all of the things I'll need to know about my character, (and some things I don't need to know for every story, so those simply don't get filled in.) In column B is where I actually do the entering. I've taken this chart from several authors and made it my own. If someone sees that this looks way too similar to yours, please let me know and I'll either give you credit or take it off this blog.

Figure 3

Since you can't see the whole list, I'll put it here for you to enter into your own sheet:

Name:

Section 1 PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Birthday/Age
Height
Weight
Color/Style of hair
Eye color;
Scars/Body markings, etc.

Section 2 PERSONAL TRAITS AND CHARACTERISTICS

Sense of humor & type
Basic nature
Ambitions
Philosophy of life
Hobbies
Music/Reading preferred
Style of dress
Favorite colors
Strongest character trait
Weakest character trait
*Character type (I'll explain this one below)

Section 3 CHARACTER'S BACKGROUND (Resume)

Educational background
Current occupation
Work experience

Section 4 PERSONAL POSSESSIONS

Description of home
Vehicles
Special belongings

Section 5 PLOT COMPLICATIONS

Present problem
How it will get worse
Deepest fear
Goal
Motivation
Conflict
How the character will change (often referred to as “character arc”)

Section 6 RELATIONSHIPS

Parents
Siblings and/or children
Best Friend
Significant Other
Enemies (and why)
Pets

Section 7 SPECIFICS

Habits
Likes
Dislikes
Annoying traits
Sees self as…
Seen by other as…

*For Character Type go to: *http://www.tamicowden.com/archetypes.htm (click on "Heroes", "Heroines", and "Villains" at end of article.

General Setting
If you'd like to keep track of your setting, this is also a great chart. I know I stole this from someone, but failed to put their name on it. If it's yours, please let me know.

Figure 4

Here are the categories for General Setting:

Name of Setting:
Characters Living in Region/Time Period:
Year or Time Period:
Season:
City and State:
Miscellaneous Notes:

CHARACTER SETTING
Character Name:
General settings for this character:
Character's home surroundings:
City or Town:
Neighborhood:
Street:
Neighbors:
Home:
Home interior:
Character's workplace:
City or Town of Business:
Business Name:
Type of Business:
Neighborhood:
Street:
Individual Workspace:
Co-workers:
Miscellaneous Notes:

Please note that you don't have to fill out every form or plot sheet that I'm including here. I don't do it all, but they are in my workbook if I need them.

Alphabet Chart
This is one of the best forms I use. Have you ever written or read a story where all the character's names sound alike? Kathy. Debbie. Cindy. Or have all the same first initial? Jim, Jon, Joey. (Those are my hubby and two sons, by the way. In real life you can name like this them on purpose.)

Figure 5

As you can see by the chart, I list the alphabet in two columns. This way, I can see more of it on one screen. The next two columns over are labeled "NAME" and "WHO IS IT?" This last column helps to refresh my memory, which, if any of you know me, needs to be rebooted on occasion.

At the bottom of this chart, if you could scroll down, you'd see the same set up for "LAST NAMES."

That's it for the forms I use that I'm including in this tutorial. There is one other sheet that is very huge and not for the faint of heart. It's called "POST-IT NOTES" and, yep, that's exactly what it sounds like. We'll tackle this bad boy next week. I'll see if I can get it all in one post. If not, we'll have to do it in parts. Now that I've frightened you, let me say this: One part of this sheet is doable for the novice. If you can't handle any other part of it, please tune in for at least that part.